4 Abundant life ~ The Beauty in God’s “No” or “Not Yet”

4 Abundant life Blog #5

The Beauty in God’s “No” or “Not Yet”

It is a human condition that none of us like to hear the response “no” or “not yet” to a request. This is perhaps even more disappointing and frustrating when we are in the midst of a “valley of the shadow” moment.

If we think about life on a continuum of “valley” experiences like trudging through a jungle where it is dark, difficult to make progress, frustrating and even scary at times; emerging at the appointed time and place when we use our talents and gifts for the glory of God to have our “mountaintop” experiences where the air is fresh, the movement unrestricted by jungle vines, and we can see options and opportunities. I think it would be fair to say, most of us would like more and longer mountaintop (abundant) experiences in life.

However, it is important to remember that growth (real vegetative growth on earth as well as our spiritual, emotional, and even physical growth) only occurs in the valleys. This is compared to the mountaintops where growth does not occur either for plants or us humans. And, yes there are plenty of valley experiences that we have had too. None were certainly pleasant at the time, but in applying the 4 Abundant Life model, we now know what to do and what not to do in these times.

The natural reaction when faced with a valley experience is to sit down in despair because we don’t know what to do or where to go. So, if you find yourself neck deep in the “valley”; remember there is always a shadow. In order to cast a shadow there must be light. Look to the light to give you direction. Regular church attendance, participation in any act of worship (praying, singing, tithing, volunteering, etc.), reading your Bible, working on identity (self-image as a prince or princess), changing your self-talk, engaging in positive appreciative inquiry (what is the 1 best part of your day), focusing on the positive (what you focus on expands), being will to learn new skills, and many others are simple things we can do that focus us and allow us to move forward. You will never get to the mountaintop if you just sit still and wallow in self-pity. Something must change or we cannot grow and experience that abundant mountaintop.

In our real life tragedies and hardships (valleys of the shadow), it is vitally important to look to the light and act accordingly even when we do not want to; even when the answer is clearly “no” or “not yet”. There is a purpose to the hardship even if we cannot see it. This is where it is important to change our perspective from “why”, to “to what ends”. So many of us get stuck in that valley by asking “why” did this happen. Sometimes there is an answer, particularly if we made a decision or engaged in a behavior that put us in the valley. For example, if we made a bad choice at work to call in sick when we really just wanted to go to the beach and somehow this resulted in your termination, the answer is simple. We made a bad choice and we will choose to learn what we will do differently next time and move forward out of the current valley. However, more often there is no explainable good reason why; especially, when the valley resulted from no direct or indirect choice or action on our part. This is when we need to implement the “to what ends” perspective. Start by just opening up to the possibility that something, sometime, somewhere, somehow positive will result from this current valley experience. Easier said than done we know, but necessary to get out of the jungle valley and move toward the mountaintop of abundance.

In those undeserved valleys, one thing to pay attention to when talking to others about the hardship is our self-talk. If we can refrain from saying “I thought ______” (fill in the blank, this would never have happened, it would have turned out differently, etc.) you will be able to transition your perspective “to what ends _______(fill in the blank, this will result in something positive, will transform us into abundant life”. In our book “4 Abundant Life”, Chapters 4, 5, and 6 chronicle practical tips and techniques to understand valley experiences, and take the action we need to in order to emerge out of the valley and climb the mountain to abundant living again.

Application:

When you are in the valley of the shadow, remember to:

• Do something that moves you toward the light.

• Differentiate self-imposed/deserved valleys (“why…what will you do differently next time?”) and undeserved valleys (“to what ends…will this experience result in goodness?”)

• God has “plans” (plural…as many as are needed) for you…”to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (i.e., abundance) (Jeremiah 29:11).

There is more on this topic in Chapters 4, 5, and 6 of our book “4 Abundant Life”. Once again, we look forward to hearing about your experiences from those valleys to the mountaintops of abundant life! Drs. Eric and Joanna Oestmann